Just for John: Or, a Middle-Aged Man's Guide to Not Ending Up in a Speedo on Main Street

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1. Let's start easy: self-tanner. You apply a little each day, and within a week you have lost that pasty Washington bureaucrat coloring. Muy importante when you're working the crowd in Key West.

2. Chest waxing: Yes, it's a little painful:

But you're in this to win, right? It will all be worth it when you wowing the judges with this look:

3.  Know your audience: There are two types of women in the world: Team Edward and Team Jacob. You want Team Edward on the panel. Do you research ahead of time; use the photo below to poll:

4. Lastly, if all else fails, don't be afraid to go the tried-and-true route:

Best of luck. The home team is rooting for you!
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