The Best Goodbye
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Eve's Aunt Jane passed away this week after a year-long bout with ALS. She was 70 years old, but still very active. She lived nearby, and Eve was her principal caregiver/coordinator.
ALS always seems especially scary because of the loss of self-determination, as you lose control of your limbs and movement and eventually even speech becomes difficult. But Jane was lucky to have in Eve someone who not only worked tirelessly to ensure good care but also was committed to Jane's own self-determination. When Jane was starting to lose mobility, she took the brave step of deciding to enter a nursing home. But after a month or two she really hated it and wanted badly to return home and have home health care. Although this was difficult on Eve, she made it happen, thinking that if it were her, she would want to make that call and would want to spend her last months in something other than total misery. Likewise when Jane decided that she did not want to continue with her feeding tube. It wasn't just that Eve honored Jane's wishes or merely followed them, but that she embraced her wishes. Her goal was to be the instrument of Jane's decision-making.
Eve spent the last night with Jane by her bedside, singing her hymns and praying with her, and Jane fell asleep to the sound of that music. It reminded me of my mom's last afternoon of consciousness, when we sang not only hymns but songs she loved, like "My Favorite Things" and "All I Want Is a Room Somewhere" and songs by the Mills Brothers. We created an atmosphere of peaceful happiness, and that's how she left us. Blessings upon all who do the same and give their loved ones the best goodbye.
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Eve's Aunt Jane passed away this week after a year-long bout with ALS. She was 70 years old, but still very active. She lived nearby, and Eve was her principal caregiver/coordinator.
ALS always seems especially scary because of the loss of self-determination, as you lose control of your limbs and movement and eventually even speech becomes difficult. But Jane was lucky to have in Eve someone who not only worked tirelessly to ensure good care but also was committed to Jane's own self-determination. When Jane was starting to lose mobility, she took the brave step of deciding to enter a nursing home. But after a month or two she really hated it and wanted badly to return home and have home health care. Although this was difficult on Eve, she made it happen, thinking that if it were her, she would want to make that call and would want to spend her last months in something other than total misery. Likewise when Jane decided that she did not want to continue with her feeding tube. It wasn't just that Eve honored Jane's wishes or merely followed them, but that she embraced her wishes. Her goal was to be the instrument of Jane's decision-making.
Eve spent the last night with Jane by her bedside, singing her hymns and praying with her, and Jane fell asleep to the sound of that music. It reminded me of my mom's last afternoon of consciousness, when we sang not only hymns but songs she loved, like "My Favorite Things" and "All I Want Is a Room Somewhere" and songs by the Mills Brothers. We created an atmosphere of peaceful happiness, and that's how she left us. Blessings upon all who do the same and give their loved ones the best goodbye.
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posted by Anonymous at
2:38 PM
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