Newsflash
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Important Newsflash
Wire, 8-22-08, Washington, DC:
Some startling medical news has emerged from the nation's capital this morning, when it was revealed that my brother Ed may be aging.
He has reported being "tired" after driving back and forth to the beach every weekend and shuttling to Dallas for work. He also complained of "not feeling well."
Friends and neighbors have often commented on Ed's seeming inability to age properly, citing his lean body mass, lack of gray hair, and the famous 2006 incident in which, at age 46, he was carded at a restaurant after ordering wine.
Family members are certain that some Swiss serum is responsible, referencing his frequent jaunts to the Continent, and fear that his body has now developed a resistance to the formula. "I'm terribly afraid his body has developed a reaction and he's going to age 25 years in a month's time," stated his similarly lithe sister Sally. "Then I'd be the only hot sibling left." "Whatever . . . upright locomotion is SO overrated," commented comely but lame eldest sibling Mamie. "Age, damnit, AGE!" cackled youngest sister Lynn.
Rumors have also abounded that his European vacations coincide with fellow youthfreak Madonna's visits to ancient Druidic sites. Whether ingestion of the blood of newborn newts is involved could not be determined.
-
Important Newsflash
Wire, 8-22-08, Washington, DC:
Some startling medical news has emerged from the nation's capital this morning, when it was revealed that my brother Ed may be aging.
He has reported being "tired" after driving back and forth to the beach every weekend and shuttling to Dallas for work. He also complained of "not feeling well."
Friends and neighbors have often commented on Ed's seeming inability to age properly, citing his lean body mass, lack of gray hair, and the famous 2006 incident in which, at age 46, he was carded at a restaurant after ordering wine.
Family members are certain that some Swiss serum is responsible, referencing his frequent jaunts to the Continent, and fear that his body has now developed a resistance to the formula. "I'm terribly afraid his body has developed a reaction and he's going to age 25 years in a month's time," stated his similarly lithe sister Sally. "Then I'd be the only hot sibling left." "Whatever . . . upright locomotion is SO overrated," commented comely but lame eldest sibling Mamie. "Age, damnit, AGE!" cackled youngest sister Lynn.
Rumors have also abounded that his European vacations coincide with fellow youthfreak Madonna's visits to ancient Druidic sites. Whether ingestion of the blood of newborn newts is involved could not be determined.
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posted by Anonymous at
1:07 PM
5 Comments:
There are precise gene tests now being developed to determine the presence of aging. Perhaps Ed should contact JHU medical center?
Carded at the age of 46!! How come I never heard about this before?? Sally
Oh, and let me tell you, he was so pleased with himself . . . smiling ear to ear. "You certainly may," he said with that impish grin, as he replied to the waiter.
I still refuse to believe he's 46.
i mean 48.
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