The True American's Guide to the Coming Zombiegeddon
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So it might not be a massive zombie attack. It might be a wildfire or an earthquake. But the question is, are you, as a good American, prepared for the physical challenges, psychological stress, and sociological fallout of a sudden catastrophic event? Here's a little guide to good manners during a total societal breakdown.
1. Don't blame the disaster on the behavior of people you don't like, just cause you don't like them. Blamable behaviors: lighting a wildfire; setting off explosives in a nuclear facility. Not blamable behaviors: homosexuality; witchcraft.
2. It wasn't the illegals. Just as uncouth as pointing fingers at wiccans is blaming a racial minority. Who knows, it may only be that labor-hardened peach picker from Guadalajara who has the upper body strength to haul your sorry ass out of the floodwaters. Be nice.
3. Have hope. In the zombie movies, it's always those people who are "practical" and "telling it like it is" who are the jerks. Because if there's no hope, then any behavior is justified. Don't panic, think long-term, and don't even try to justify your douchebag behavior by claiming a superior sense of realism.
4. Stick to routine. Remember that movie Hotel Rwanda? It told the true story of Paul Rusesabagina, a Rwandan who was working for an upscale Kigali hotel when the genocide broke out. Although 1 million were killed outside, almost all the people who took shelter in his hotel survived. Why? My favorite review of the movie explained it this way: "Paul Rusesabagina saved his refugees by, essentially, being a very good hotel manager." That is, he got up in the morning, put on his hotel uniform, went through the motions of regular hotel service, and managed to convey, through his own normal behavior, that the hotel was a civilized place where normal, civilized behavior was expected.
5. Tend to the small things. Say thank you and please. Wash your hair if you can find soap. Share the household pet you just roasted on the barbie with the neighbors.
6. Read. History has lots of examples of societies that went to hell: the plague in Athens, the civil wars in ancient Greece, Nazi Germany. Read up, then do the opposite.
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So it might not be a massive zombie attack. It might be a wildfire or an earthquake. But the question is, are you, as a good American, prepared for the physical challenges, psychological stress, and sociological fallout of a sudden catastrophic event? Here's a little guide to good manners during a total societal breakdown.
1. Don't blame the disaster on the behavior of people you don't like, just cause you don't like them. Blamable behaviors: lighting a wildfire; setting off explosives in a nuclear facility. Not blamable behaviors: homosexuality; witchcraft.
2. It wasn't the illegals. Just as uncouth as pointing fingers at wiccans is blaming a racial minority. Who knows, it may only be that labor-hardened peach picker from Guadalajara who has the upper body strength to haul your sorry ass out of the floodwaters. Be nice.
3. Have hope. In the zombie movies, it's always those people who are "practical" and "telling it like it is" who are the jerks. Because if there's no hope, then any behavior is justified. Don't panic, think long-term, and don't even try to justify your douchebag behavior by claiming a superior sense of realism.
4. Stick to routine. Remember that movie Hotel Rwanda? It told the true story of Paul Rusesabagina, a Rwandan who was working for an upscale Kigali hotel when the genocide broke out. Although 1 million were killed outside, almost all the people who took shelter in his hotel survived. Why? My favorite review of the movie explained it this way: "Paul Rusesabagina saved his refugees by, essentially, being a very good hotel manager." That is, he got up in the morning, put on his hotel uniform, went through the motions of regular hotel service, and managed to convey, through his own normal behavior, that the hotel was a civilized place where normal, civilized behavior was expected.
5. Tend to the small things. Say thank you and please. Wash your hair if you can find soap. Share the household pet you just roasted on the barbie with the neighbors.
6. Read. History has lots of examples of societies that went to hell: the plague in Athens, the civil wars in ancient Greece, Nazi Germany. Read up, then do the opposite.
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posted by Anonymous at
7:46 PM
2 Comments:
so, what your telling me, lynn, is that while rocky might snack on your stinking corpse, you would not hesitate to hamstring and rotisserie your BFF should the larder empty?
okay. i got your number. all y'all over there at Green Moon Pax.
. . .
Apparently we're all animals underneath!
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