Green and Beige

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Indulging in a guilty pleasure last night, I was watching Entertainment Tonight's coverage of the premiere of Ocean's Thirteen. I sat on my suburban couch thinking, These guys have it all. Good-looking,











smart, winning personalities, rich,
traveling the world, friends with each other,







and in addition love,









children, happiness, and goodness.


Brad Pitt in Africa






George Clooney working for Darfur





I used to be jealous thinking about the luck of such people. But years ago I realized you can't go around picking out the most fortunate individuals in the world---or even your neighborhood---and then subtracting your fortunes from theirs. The truth is, if you are living an average American middle-class life, you have hit the cosmic lottery. My life is probably far closer to Brad Pitt's than to most people's lives in the world. Doing a little existential arithmetic (a la Thomas Carlyle):


Good-looking: well, I do have all my arms and legs
Smart: moderate
Winning personality: enough to make Jay fall in love with me, and to keep my friends calling
Rich: home, check; food in fridge, check; trips to Europe, check; $150 beagle, check
Happiness: yup
Goodness: moderate


My parents didn't burn me with cigarettes growing up. Nor have I spent my life scavenging from a garbage mound in Manila. Nor have I had my limbs chopped off by rebel soldiers in Africa. I remember hearing a story about the Serbian massacres in Bosnia. Serb soldiers came into the home of one Muslim family and recognized the young father as a huge soccer star in Yugoslavia. Their response was to rape and then kill both his wife and daughter in front of his eyes, while he was chained to a radiator. He eventually escaped and found his way to a local police station, where he reported what had happened, and then he killed himself. What else could he do, really? How could you live with it?


When I think about how much I miss having children, I'm always brought back to the same conclusion: The only way to maximize your happiness on earth is to, actually, maximize your happiness, each moment. You can't change what is (most of the time), so you better extract joy from whatever it is you do have. I once saw Amy Grant receive a humanitarian award named for Minnie Pearl, the old-time country comic who was a friend of Amy's family. Amy Grant said that Minnie always wanted to get married and to have children, and never did. "But," she said, "she played the hand she was given . . . beautifully." That's a principle to live by.


When I was pregnant for the last time, and always aware of how things could still go wrong, even at a late date, I started saying the Serenity Prayer, which previously I always thought was kind of hokey. But listen to these words:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.


Those are powerful words. Wise words.

So here is my advice to you, reader, if you ever feel like I do: It's true: You aren't as good-looking as Brad!










And you will never has as much fun as George!








But on the other hand, you weren't dropped into a cauldron of boiling oil as a teenager, like those kids during Idi Amin's reign. That's something, right? So sit back on your nice couch on your oversized bum in your nice beige living room---with your child, loved one, dog, or just your own great self---and glory in the joy of your life, just as it is.
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